Merry Go Round

Paxil, I’m Leaving You

on January 8, 2013

Yesterday I began my withdrawal from Paxil. I’ve been taking 10mg for over a year or so but I’ve now started to take half (5mg). I will do so for maybe a year before I stop taking it completely. I don’t want to be a slave of this drug any longer, I think it has helped me in the past but it has also hindered me from a lot. I’ve noticed my memory is awful, my mood swings are constant and although I can function somewhat normally (no panic attacks every day, no crying everyday) I still feel this drug is crippling me. I’ve been losing a lot of time from my life because of it. I don’t want to feel “normal” by using Paxil, I want to feel me. And I haven’t for a long while.

I am done with pills. I only take birth control because I found it worked for my acne and I also don’t want to get pregnant. But other than that, I don’t want something that causes me so much harm, even if it’s not visible. I want to enjoy life, even if it hurts at first. I want to be sure it’s me who is acting this way and not some pill I introduced in my young life because I was so bad. But I can’t rely on this forever. It’s been too long. I don’t want to poison myself any longer.

I will try to live a healthier life. I will try to make up for the lack of the drug on my system with good alternatives. Eating well, exercising, it’s never been something I’ve done for myself. But it’s time now. I need to figure this out by myself. I need to know I can be okay without the help of a killer.

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One response to “Paxil, I’m Leaving You

  1. […] Paxil, I’m Leaving You (iwillleavethekey.wordpress.com) […]

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